


Blink of an Eye

by love_a_sexy_trash_can



Category: Free!
Genre: Car Accidents, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, I'm Sorry, Makoto is in a wheelchair, Slurs, This Is Sad, Why do people say its hard to tag, i figured it out, life in Tokyo, okay it took me two minutes but still, someone get haru and make him take a break
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-09
Updated: 2019-01-31
Packaged: 2019-08-21 03:09:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16568486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/love_a_sexy_trash_can/pseuds/love_a_sexy_trash_can
Summary: It only takes a second for someone to make a decision, a second to change or destroy lives. And no matter what is done, it can never be undone.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry but I just had to write this.
> 
> TW: use of the r-word. This is a word I hate but had to use it for the story. I apologize in advance.

 

It was a cold day in Tokyo. Cold enough for the much needed and desired heating system in the apartment building to be turned on almost to a maximum but thankfully not cold enough for the clouds to open up and let the snow fall. Inside one apartment, Nanase Haruka, former Olympic freestyle swimmer with a gold medal proudly stored away in a box of paraphernalia, laid hunched in a chair near the shared bed. His head rested against his crossed arms and was tilted to the right. It was an extremely uncomfortable position but it was all he could do nowadays. He wouldn't allow himself to sleep in the bed he'd shared with Tachibana Makoto anymore. Makoto needed it more than him and that was just fine with Haruka. At least he was wise enough to sleep with a blanket draped over his doubled over body as the weather became chillier as the year drew to an end.

Haruka shuddered as he felt something wet hit his cheek. It was enough to wake him up to wipe it off. It was drool. He sighed. Time for the day to begin. He looked up to the source of drool and smiled at him. "Good morning, Makoto. Let me wipe your mouth. You were drooling again." Makoto let out a high-pitched squeal as Haruka grabbed the white rag on the pillow to wipe the green-eyed man's mouth clean. Haruka grunted as he straightened his back. He really needed to find a better sleeping position. "Are you ready for a bath, Makoto? Can you nod for me, Makoto? Come on, let's get you into the bath." The pair of emeralds flicked around the room, from the ceiling to the window, never on Haruka. He pretended it didn't break his heart to see his soulmate like this.

This was one of the harder parts of their daily routine. Makoto was taller and heavier than the former swimmer and Haruka did not have idiotic strength like his fiancé. Not only that, but Makoto had lost almost complete function of both his legs so he couldn't aid Haruka from the bed to the bathroom or from anywhere in general. He could only kick his right leg on occasion and he usually did it when he was upset. However, none of that would ever stop the raven and he succeeded every morning. As unfortunate as it was for Makoto to be wheelchair-bound, it was a blessing that the chair was there to help Haruka transfer his fiancé to where he needed to be.

That didn't mean he didn't place excessive strain on his body every time he did it.

Haruka pushed the large wheelchair down the hall to the bathroom and pushed the door open with his left hand. A tiny white cat ran out when the light turned on. Haruka nodded at the cat.

"Good morning, Therapy Cat." He had adopted Therapy Cat for Makoto two days before. Haruka couldn't come up with a name for the feline and settled for what role she was fulfilling. If Makoto could still talk, the raven wondered what he would've named the newest member of their small family.

He wondered if he'd be able to take care of a tiny kitten like Therapy Cat when Makoto needed his attention 24/7.

He let the water warm as it filled the bath. He stared into the clear liquid and could see the mask of misery he wore. How long had it been since he last took a bath? When was the last time he  _swam_? He shook his head rapidly and winced when his shoulder tensed. He massaged the muscle absentmindedly as he shut the faucet and tested the warmth of the water with his elbow. Fairly warm, not borderline scalding. Perfect.

"Okay Makoto, time for your bath. Help me undress you." It was like taking care of a non-cognitive, wheelchair-bound three-month-old baby trapped in a twenty-four-year-old man's body. The months had already begun to blur so Haruka couldn't remember how long he had been in this routine but he knew it must have been a while. If he held out for this long, he has proven he didn't need the help of others. He didn't need help. He didn't need help.  _He didn't._

_The doctors said he could still hear,_ Haruka thought as he pulled Makoto's shirt over his head.  _It makes sense. If he couldn't hear me, he wouldn't have lifted his arms when I asked him to help me, right?_ He sighed and struggled with Makoto's pajama bottoms.  _But he can't talk. What does he do with what he hears? Does he know why I say that I love him? Does he even know who I was to him before all this happened?_

Haruka decided to stop thinking about that. Right now, he had to start thinking about Makoto's bath.

For the most part, it was an undemanding task to bathe Makoto. The only difficulty would be moving Makoto's left arm, which would often be locked in place or, worse, Makoto refusing to move when he was having a rough start to his morning. Haruka always felt the latter was worse because now Makoto would never be able to tell him why he was having such a lousy day, and that always hurt the former swimmer. Today was a good day. The young man sat down peacefully, making excited noises as the warm water enveloped his body. Haruka smiled. Today was good. Maybe tomorrow he could give Makoto a nice shower.

Haruka scrubbed Makoto's skin ever so gently and did his best to lift his left arm to wash his armpit. Makoto let out a gurgly laugh that reminded Haruka of when Nagisa would tickle his sides. He smiled woefully. In about an hour he'll see his friends again. After all, it was a part of their routine.

Carefully, Haruka washed away the soap from Makoto's skin and drained the bath, lifting Makoto out and onto the toilet to dry him off. Once the task was complete, Haruka brought Makoto back to their bedroom. He opened their shared closet and picked out Makoto's clothing first. He could feel the chill of the outside world with his feet and he shuddered. Makoto would need to be bundled up even more than usual. After dressing Makoto, another relatively easy task in the mornings, Haruka changed next. He often doesn't think about which shirt should go with which pair of trousers (not that he ever did). Makoto occupied every thought in his brain, every fiber of his being. It was hard but he needed Haruka.

"Alright Makoto, time to get dressed. We're leaving to see our friends at the coffee shop. Remember the coffee shop?" Haruka knelt down, attempting to meet Makoto at eye level and tried to intertwine their fingers together.

" _Hwaaaaa!_ " Makoto shouted and his hand clenched into a fist, much to Haruka's dismay. As much as he wanted to, it would never help Makoto to break down crying. So he would do just that, not break down and cry. Haruka returned to the closet and pulled out two jackets and a sweater. He pulled the hats and mittens tucked away in the pockets and sleeves. He groaned quietly and rubbed his shoulder again, as well as the left side of his neck. Maybe he should call Sousuke or Nao-senpai later that day. He did his best not to force Makoto into the sweater and larger jacket but Makoto's arm was  _locked in place again._

Haruka inhaled deeply through his nose. It would not be helpful to get frustrated. Just deal with the situation like the previous times this has occurred. Finally, Haruka succeeded and zipped up the jacket, and then he covered himself with his jacket. He tugged Makoto's hat past his ears and forced Makoto's hands open to put the mittens on. He lifted the hood and, deciding it was better to be safe than sorry, found a scarf in a drawer and covered the lower half of the wheelchair-bound man's face. Haruka cringed as he tugged the hat and gloves on. He hated the feeling of gloves but he couldn't risk getting sick. Who would take care of Makoto if he caught a cold? He couldn't ask their friends; they were... busy. They were busy and had their own lives. That was why.

As he fumbled with the doorknob, he heard tiny mewls behind him. Turning around, Haruka saw Therapy Cat threading her way through the spokes of the chair's wheels. Could he bring her with them? Asahi's sister wouldn't mind. Shrugging, Haruka searched for a spare scarf to wrap Therapy Cat in to protect her from the cold. She seemed to appreciate it and meowed in approval. Before bringing the feline to Makoto, he grabbed the tray that could be attached to Makoto's wheelchair. It clicked in place. Then he laid Therapy Cat on the tray.

"Aauuuw," Makoto moaned. His right hand stroked the kitten's head and he grinned as she purred. Haruka glanced into the kitchen, making sure Therapy Cat's bowls were empty. They were.

_Good. She must've eaten while I bathed Makoto._  Maybe Haruka should make a mental note to take Therapy Cat to the vet when he had the time. He would remember it. Definitely. "Ready to go, Makoto?" he asked as he opened the door and grabbed the keys from the hook next to the threshold. Makoto made a happy noise that made Haruka smiled. Even though he couldn't talk anymore, Haruka knew him so well for so long. that he could tell what Makoto was feeling through the noises he made. It made him appreciate the almost telepathic relationship they have. Haruka frowned.

The almost telepathic relationship they  _had._  He was the one to speak for Makoto now, not the reverse, what used to be their normal. He pushed the wheelchair through the threshold while trying to not beat himself up. He should've appreciated their connection long before this had to happen for him to do that. Long before this had to happen to Makoto.

He shivered and not just from his cold thoughts but the cold outside. It had to be at least ten degrees below freezing. He had to be quick. He locked the door behind him and pushed the wheelchair forward. Here came another hard part: pushing the wheelchair down the stairs. Makoto was heavier and the added weight of the large wheelchair did not help at all. Haruka couldn't wait for the day he could move to a new apartment in a building where the entrances didn't lead directly out to the outside and there were elevators. Of course, that was like waiting for Makoto to say "Haru" in his angelic voice. No matter how much Haruka's heart ached for it to happen, he knew it never would.

He pushed back the tears that wanted to spring out. Focus on getting the damned wheelchair down the stairs.

Eventually, Haruka got all three of them down to ground level. He began his long walk to the coffee shop. He passed by the parking lot and jumped when he heard an engine start. He turned his head and saw the car leaving. He could see his vehicle from here. His grip on the handles tightened as he pushed forward.

He would  _never_ get in another car again. Ever.

* * *

The walk to the coffee shop owned by Kurimiya Akane was always tiring and probably one of the stupidest things Haruka does on the daily but he just couldn't, he just  _could not_ drive here. He couldn't.

(Or wouldn't?)

He removed the scarf and hats from him and Makoto. Carefully, he unwrapped Therapy Cat from the scarf and put her back down on the tray. It was nice and toasty inside. There were a few people already there- a mother and her daughter, a group of young people (university students, most likely), and an elderly couple- but they were in their little worlds, just like Haruka. As long as he didn't give any attention to them, they wouldn't notice him. Makoto threw his head back in silent laughter, probably thinking of something funny that Haruka would never know about.

"Good morning, Haru," Akane called from behind the counter. She was already making coffee. She smiled at the two young men. "The usual?" Haruka nodded. He was grateful for Akane's generosity. She never charged him for his orders since she knew he was struggling with money and Makoto's care. At first, Haruka had insisted on paying regardless of the little to no money in his wallet, but Akane insisted that he deserved the right to free food. Besides, she said she earned more than enough from the meals that other customers paid for and the tips that accompany them. She paused in making the pot of coffee and called over her new employee. "Yui, take over for me for just a few minutes. I'm going to start preparing Haru's order." The atrous-haired college student nodded nervously and went behind the counter. Yui finished the pot of coffee when she noticed two customers. And one of them had a tiny feline with argent fur.

"Excuse me!" Her shrill voice made almost everyone in the shop jump. Well, except for the elderly couple. They only noticed something was wrong when they saw the young woman stomping over to the table occupied by the two young men. Akane almost dropped the plates she was carrying. Haruka looked up at the employee. She must be at least eighteen. This was probably her first official job.

"Yes?" he responded. Yui glared and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Sir, I don't know what you think you can do but no animals are allowed in the shop." Makoto was stroking Therapy Cat's back when the young woman reached for her. The kitten leapt away, frightened by the stranger's hands attempting to grab her. Makoto screamed, and everyone covered their ears. Even the elderly couple. He began to kick and at one point, he hit Yui's shin. She hissed in pain, grabbing her leg for a few moments. Breathing deeply, she yelled over Makoto's screaming and said, "Sir, get that cat out of this building."

Haruka wasn't listening. He was trying to calm down a crying, kicking, and screaming Makoto while trying to see where Therapy Cat was hiding from the mean girl. (She was underneath the stools of the elderly couple. The woman was cooing at how cute the kitten was.) "Makoto, it's okay, it's okay! She's right over there with the really nice elders! Please Makoto, don't cry. It's okay," Haruka began to shout then whispered realizing that being loud wouldn't help Makoto.

"Yui. Come here," Akane ordered sternly. Her employee went stiff but obeyed. She spoke softly as if to prevent others from hearing her castigating her young employee. Really, she wasn't doing exactly that; Akane was explaining Haruka's situation and why she tolerated the actions either of the young men did. Understanding dawned on Yui's countenance, then guilt. Akane smiled and patted her head. She whispered, "Go apologize to him. Apologize to their cat as well now that I think about it," she added. Yui nodded and turned around. However, she didn't get to do so immediately with what occurred next.

Haruka was wiping away the trails left behind by fallen tears when he heard the little girl ask, "Mommy, why is that man in a wheelchair?" He didn't mind the question. She was young, likely six years old or younger. It was her mother's response that stabbed him in the gut. Repeatedly.

"I don't know, sweetie. He might just be retarded."

Retarded.  _Retarded. RETARDED._  The disgusting word resonated in Haruka's head. Frustration boiled over and he slammed the table with an open hand. Makoto jerked away but didn't do much, even when Haruka began to yell.

"How  _dare_ you have the audacity to call Makoto such a word?! I hope someone you love gets into a car and the same thing happens to them! Then you can call them  _retarded_  all you want!" He panted, his throat already feeling sore. He hasn't yelled like that in so long. He clenched his hands to fists then let them go. He dragged a chair closer to Makoto, sat down, and tried to take his right hand into his palms. Makoto refused at first but then let the former swimmer do what he wanted to do. Haruka could tell; his muscles relaxed significantly. (To him, it was significant. To another person, they probably would not have noticed the change.) "Sorry for yelling. I got angry. Please forgive me," he whispered and cleared his throat. He kissed the back of Makoto's hand then leaned close enough to kiss the top of his head. The wheelchair-bound man made a noise that Haruka hoped meant that all was forgiven. He felt a tap on his shoulder. He didn't want to face anyone anymore but he knew he had to. He looked up to see Yui. She was holding Therapy Cat in her arms. Before she could stop the feline, she had jumped down to Makoto's tray and rubbed her tiny head against his arm.

"I'm very sorry for the way I acted, sir. I'm also sorry to your cat. Please forgive me," she apologized and bowed. Haruka sighed. He didn't need her pity; he and Makoto needed food.

"You're forgiven, Yui. I understand your position. I'm sorry for not calling ahead of time to mention the fact that Makoto now has Therapy Cat," he informed her. Once he said that out loud, he mentally facepalmed for not thinking about doing so earlier. He forced a smile on his face. "Makoto, are you hungry? I'm hungry, too," he said in a cheerful-but-not-too-cheerful voice. He never spoke to Makoto like he was a child. It agitated him when people did that.  _Talk to him like a normal adult!_ he wanted to scream to the whole world. Yui nodded vehemently, making Haruka cringe.  _You'll get whiplash if you keep jerking your head like that,_ he thought.

"Of course, sir. Would you like some coffee first?" He nodded, but only to put the young woman at ease. He also wanted her to leave him alone for at least a few minutes. He ran his fingers through Makoto's hair and wondered. He wondered about Makoto's old job as a swim coach. Surely, Makoto would still be working as one part-time if he weren't like this. Would he travel with Haruka even if he no longer had hope to be an Olympic swimmer? He didn't even linger on that thought. Of course he would. Makoto would always be by his side. He always was.

And now it was Haruka who  _had_ to be by Makoto's side.

Yui returned with a cup of too sweet coffee. Haruka didn't complain. She was a nervous young woman in college. He would forgive her, especially since he didn't explain his sugar preferences to her.

Before they left, the elderly couple joined Haruka and Makoto for a few moments. The woman smiled and held Makoto's hand with the delicacy of an angel. "Hello. Makoto, is it?" she asked Haruka. He nodded. "Well, aren't you the handsome man. You both are," she complimented with a soft smile.

"Hope he gets better soon," the man said, pulling his hat on. Haruka's grin felt even faker.

"Me too." He didn't have the heart to tell the couple that Makoto had brain damage and no one gets better from brain damage. No one gets better.

The couple left and Akane brought over Haruka's order on two plates. Applesauce, mashed bananas, onigiri, and grilled mackerel. Even though it was small, the smile he gave Akane was genuine. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. I'll get Makoto a glass of water." She left just as the bell on the door ringed, announcing either an arrival or departure. It was an arrival.

"Good morning, Haru-chan! Hi, Mako-chan!" Nagisa skipped over to the table and held out an open hand. He grinned widely. "Mako-chan, can you give me a high five? C'mon, high five!" Makoto's hand was already held up high. He wasn't looking at Nagisa directly, only behind him, but he slowly opened his hand. Nagisa pressed his small hand against Makoto's larger one and cheered. "Yay, Mako-chan! You're as smart as always! Say hi to Rei-chan!" Makoto laughed out loud and Nagisa joined him. Haruka nodded at Rei, who was busy removing his scarf.

"Good morning, Haruka-senpai. Good morning, Makoto-senpai. How is your morning?" Haruka was thankful. Rei spoke to Makoto the same way he did a year before. So did Nagisa, even if it seemed a bit exaggerated. Everything Nagisa did was exaggerated, even with his job as a tour guide of Iwatobi. (Everyone wanted to see the small fishing town of a famous Olympic freestyle swimmer.) Haruka shrugged and winced at the pins and needles in his shoulder again. He remained unfazed to the worried glances Nagisa and Rei shared.

"It's not as great today," he admitted. He didn't go into detail as to why. He just wanted to eat and help Makoto do the same. He thanked Akane for the glass of water and waited for Nagisa and Rei to finish ordering their breakfasts. He held up a spoonful of applesauce to Makoto, waiting for him to see him and open his mouth. Slowly, Makoto grinned and craned his neck close enough to take the spoonful into his mouth. Haruka smiled. The day was slowly getting better. "So how's life for the both of you?"

"We're settling into our apartment just fine," Rei informed.

"I wish we had a better place to sleep though," Nagisa pouted. "The floor's so cold, Haru-chan!"

"I bet it is," Haruka commented. He ate his mackerel slowly, attempting to enjoy as much as its taste as he could. "I need a better place to live." Akane returned with the two younger men's breakfasts. Haruka shrugged his left shoulder and tilted his head to the right.

"Haru-chan, are you okay?" Nagisa asked with a mouthful of pancakes. Rei gently slapped the back of the blonde's hand. "Ow! Rei-chan!"

"Haruka-senpai, are you taking care of yourself? Do you need to take a break from being Makoto-senpai's caretaker?" the spectacled man queried. Before he could finish his sentence, Haruka was already shaking his head.

"Can't," he responded tersely.

"But how will you take care Makoto-senpai when you cannot even take care of yourself?" Nagisa gasped.

"Rei-chan, don't say that," the smaller man winced. "Haru-chan, I'm sure he didn't mean-"

"No, it's okay," Haruka interrupted, holding up his hand to silence the younger male. "I understand. It's just difficult right now."

"Why not let us take care of Makoto-senpai today? Then you can relax," Rei suggested. Haruka inhaled to protest...

Then stopped himself. Rei was offering. Could he do that to him? He probably had a busy day today, Nagisa as well. He shook his head slowly. "I don't want you to burden yourselves. You probably have a lot of work to do."

"No, we don't. And it's not a burden to hang out with Mako-chan! Right? Wanna hang out with us, Mako-chan?" Nagisa cheered and tickled Makoto's side. The wheelchair-bound man threw his head back and laughed. "Yeah, we can go bowling and eat a bunch of food and go shopping and visit all the cat cafés in the city..." He continued to ramble on. Rei and Haruka chuckled.

"Please, Haruka-senpai. I don't want to see you neglect yourself. You deserve as much care as Makoto. Uh, sorry if that seemed insensitive," Rei added. Haruka smiled.

"It's alright. Let's just finish eating already."

They ate and conversed peacefully. Makoto had calmed down entirely and petted Therapy Cat the same way a feather fell to the ground, slow and gentle. Haruka began to cover up Makoto and the small feline when he felt someone tug his sleeve. He looked down to meet the six-year-old girl's brown eyes. She was holding her mother's hand with her left and a bundle of money in her right. She held it up to Haruka.

"I'm so sorry for what I said, sir. I didn't mean it, truly," the woman apologized. Her forehead was creased with worry.

"It's alright, ma'am. I apologize as well. I should not have said what I said. What's this?" he asked the young girl.

"It's a gift. Money for whatever you want," she answered with a smile of purity. Haruka smiled back.

"I can't accept that. It's too much," he insisted.

"No, please. I won't go about my day as easily unless you take it. You deserve this," the woman requested- actually, more like ordered. Out of respect, Haruka smiled and took the money. There was a lot of it.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. Take care, both you and him," she said with a warm smile. She squinted and asked, "I feel like I recognize you." Haruka felt his cheeks warm.

"Does the name  _Nanase_  ring a bell?" Nagisa chimed in. Once the name was uttered, the woman's eyes widened in surprise, then turned to glass from sadness.

"Oh... I'm so sorry. I hope for the best for the two of you." The woman's voice cracked repeatedly. Haruka gave her a sad smile.

"You shouldn't have to apologize for something that had nothing to do with you. But thank you. Have a good day." He waved goodbye as the two of them left.

"Bye bye!" the little girl called out. Haruka turned back to the two younger men.

"Alright, hurry up you two. I want to relax and I want to make sure you take good care of Makoto."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. Stay tuned for the next chapter!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nagisa and Rei make Haruka take a break. Unfortunately, he now has another reason to worry, and it's not just the fact that Makoto is with the blond of terror.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back. I hope you enjoy the second chapter!

"And make sure his food is soft and moist so he won't choke on it. And make sure he goes to the bathroom at least twice. Also-" Haruka would have continued to ramble on had Nagisa not held up a mitten-clad hand to silence the raven.

"Haru-chan, you don't have to worry. We'll take very good care of Mako-chan! We're going to have so much fun, I can't wait!" the blonde cheered. Makoto let out a muffled laugh. "Just relax and, if you're that worried for Mako-chan, Rei-chan and I will both have our phones on so you can call and check up on us." Haruka chuckled and shook his head from side to side.

"You're right, Nagisa. I'll do my best to relax today. I'll see the both of you later in the evening," the former Olympic swimmer said. All three of them- four, counting Makoto's shaky arm movements- waved goodbye to Akane and left the café. Before they parted their ways, Haruka leaned down and pushed Makoto's hat back slightly, planting several kisses on Makoto's temporarily exposed forehead. Makoto made a jovial gurgling noise. Haruka covered his forehead again. "I love you, Makoto. Bye Rei, Nagisa." He waved as the spectacled man pushed the wheelchair with Haruka's fiancé and Therapy Cat and the smaller blonde skipping alongside them. He waved back with an open-mouthed smile. Haruka let his hand fall to his side.

Now, what exactly was he going to do?

* * *

Coming home without Makoto was something he had not experienced in quite some time. Back in their college days, when their schedules would not always line up, Haruka would always return to the apartment all warm and homey. All because Makoto was there occupying it. Most days, he would have been studying. Other days, when he was able to relax, Makoto would be lounging on the couch they loved to cuddle on, binge-watching movies and such. Then, after eating dinner together, they would either study or watch TV together. They were always together and that was why their apartment was always a home.

So it was rather odd to say in the least.

Entering the bedroom, it took some time for Haruka to find the collection of jammers he had shoved to the bottom of the drawer. He pulled out a random pair and pondered on whether or not he would take his goggles and swim cap as well. He decided against it; today was a day to relax and just be...

Free.

* * *

He would rather not think about the last time he had gone swimming. That was a dark place to go and today was not the day to dwell on the past. Before leaving the locker room- and feeling somewhat uncomfortable with the fact that his jammers were now slightly big on him- Haruka sent a text to Rei to see how the three of them were doing. As if being true to their shared promise, not even a minute has passed before Rei sent a picture of Nagisa helping Makoto push the bowling ball down the metal ramp. From behind the camera, Rei gave a reassuring thumbs-up. As the spectacled man would say, Haruka sent a quick message consisting of one word:  _Beautiful._

Turning off his phone, Haruka closed the locker door and made way for the pool.

There were not many people there, which made it much easier on the former Olympic swimmer. He did not wish to be recognized and then swarmed by adoring fans who would hand him fake sympathy. Well, maybe it was not fake, but it was most certainly unnecessary for Haruka. He stood by an empty lane that was not surrounded by other people and took a deep breath. Everything would be alright, nothing was going to happen to him.

At least, not yet.

Haruka shook his head quickly. He could not, would not,  _should not_ have that mentality when he finally had some time for himself. He stood still, breathing deeply to clear his mind. Nice and easy. The buzzing in his brain faded and moved to the back of his mind where it can be easily overlooked and ignored. He opened his eyes and drank in the sight before him. The water, clear as always but rippling and forming small waves from the slight movements of the people in the pool. It was beautiful, relaxing...

Haruka dove in.

* * *

The moment he turned his phone back on, Haruka was bombarded by dozens of text messages. Most were from Nagisa, sending a constant stream of positive updates of their day together with Makoto. Most of the messages were riddled with typos. Each message had a shaky photo attached as if to reassure Haruka that all was fine and that he should not worry about them.

The thing was, it worked. The anxiety lessened, and Haruka focused on drying his hair better. He may have been able to swim at his leisure for hours, but he did not have the same privilege with returning home to have Makoto fuss over him and lecturing for the umpteenth time that he could have caught a cold. He would not even dare leave the locker room until his hair was as dry as possible, his towel almost completely soaked. Grimacing as he tugged his hat on again, Haruka received another message, this time from Rei.

**_Is Makoto-senpai able to eat pizza?_ **

Haruka chuckled. He truly was thankful to have the spectacled man and the jovial blond in his life.

 _Start with one slice, cut it in small pieces, no crust,_ he responded quickly, albeit rather fearful.

There were a lot of foods he avoided now. He was afraid Makoto would not be able to chew the food properly or swallow. There was the possibility he could even choke because he could not eat that food. It was one of the only times Haruka would ever baby Makoto; of all the horrific ways he could lose his loved one, choking to death was one Haruka was determined to avoid.

**_Thank you Haruka-senpai._ **

He left the locker room and the building. Before he could get caught up in a conversation with Nagisa, Haruka left the messaging app and found Sousuke's contact. He dialed his number and brought his phone to his ear, shivering slightly from how cold it had already gotten. He paused at a red light, watching cars speed by. _They were going too fast..._

 _"Hello?"_  the deep, husky voice answered.

"Sousuke," Haruka started.

 _"Ah, Haru. How are you doing? How's Makoto?"_  the butterfly swimmer asked. Haruka continued to walk once the light turned green, then turned left in the direction of the supermarket. He needed mackerel. How much did it cost now?

"Makoto is doing fine. So am I. But I have a favor to ask."

_"What is it?"_

"Come by my apartment in three hours. Is that alright?" There was a pause.

 _"Your shoulder?"_  Sousuke did not need to say more. Haruka made a sound of approval, almost.  _"I'll stop by."_ Then he hung up.

Perfect timing too. Haruka was right in front of the supermarket and he needed all of his focus to buy the best mackerel.

* * *

There was a knock on the door while Haruka was cooking his mackerel. He turned the stove off and headed for the entrance.

"Yo, Haru," Sousuke greeted once the door opened. Haruka nodded in acknowledgment. He gesticulated for the larger man to enter and returned to the kitchen. Sousuke shut the door and followed. He looked around the kitchen and the living room, all clean with little clutter. He smirked. "This place is a mess," he teased.

"At least it looks better than the disaster you call a closet," the former swimmer shot back, not taking his eyes off the mackerel. Both men were smiling though.

"So, your shoulder?" Sousuke went straight to the point. Haruka shrugged- only with his right shoulder, the larger man noted. He sat down at the small kitchen table, sighing at the lack of leg room. "Can't believe you still have that love of mackerel."

"Of course. It's the greatest food ever," Haruka answered, turning off the stove for the second and last time, serving the cooked fish on a plate with rice and sat down across from the butterfly swimmer.

"You could at least eat something else with it. I thought you learned that by now from the doctors," Sousuke said. With a deadpan expression, Haruka got up once more and grabbed a banana from the bunch, peeled it and took a bite out of it.

"Happy now?" he asked, his voice muffled with the fruit in his mouth. Sousuke chuckled.

"Yes. Now eat," he ordered and got up. He opened the freezer and found the ice pack he had bought for Haruka months ago. He wrapped it in a clean dish rag and held it in place on Haruka's left shoulder. "Is this good?"

"Mm," the raven responded, pensively chewing his mackerel. They stayed that way for some time, up until Haruka finally finished eating.

"By the way, where's Makoto?" Sousuke asked, removing the ice pack and began to move Haruka's arm over his head. "Tell if it starts to hurt."

"Makoto is with Nagisa and Rei. They told me to take a break today, so they're taking care of him." Haruka hissed. Sousuke slowed the movements in response.

"Good. You've been working too hard. You feel extra stiff today. Are you sure you can't continue with physical therapy?" Haruka shook his head. He had been able to take a few sessions when he was in the hospital, but the bills began to loom over his head and Makoto's care became his first priority. His savings were starting to drain, so now he couldn't think about taking more sessions until later on.

He doubted he'd be able to.

"What else is happening?" Even though Sousuke was trying to keep the conversation going, both of them could feel the silence creeping on them.

"Not much. I was able to swim today."

"You missed that, huh?"

"Mm."

The conversation ended and they accepted the silence between them.

* * *

"Here." Haruka held out a mug of freshly made coffee to Sousuke.

"Thank you." He took a sip before adding, "You didn't have to make this for me."

"Don't care. So, how's Rin doing?" Sousuke chuckled.

"Great. Training right now, I bet," he said. Then his demeanor changed. "Haru... Rin doesn't know what happened. He only knows that you won't be competing anymore. He's devastated." Haruka sat up quickly.

"How does he not know?"

"That boy does not pay attention to anything else when he has a goal. You should know that," Sousuke answered.

"I don't think Rin would appreciate you calling him a boy."

"Then don't tell him. But seriously, you need to tell him what happened."

"Why can't you?"

"I'm busy helping Kazu-nii with the restaurant right now. I can't."

"Well, how will I be able to tell Rin? I'd rather not call him." Sousuke's lips formed a straight line. "What?" Haruka turned to face the larger man.

"He plans to visit Tokyo for New Year's. Kind of like the old days, huh?" He chuckled. Haruka clasped his hands.

In all honesty, Haruka had always assumed that Rin knew what had happened once the media discovered he, Nanase Haruka, was no longer competing and world-renowned swim coach Tachibana Makoto was "suffering" and could no longer do what he loved most alongside his finacé. The world almost had its own apocalypse with the shock of The Swim World's Power Couple- the media's words, not Haruka's- departure from the Olympics.

And now he would have to tell his whole story for the first time to his close friend, a story he would rather leave behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Please follow and favorite so you don't miss the next chapter and maybe leave a review! Have a good day/afternoon/evening/night!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haruka is reminded of the accident and he doesn't know how much more he can handle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo, welcome back! Hope you enjoy chapter 3!

" _Haaaaa!_ " Makoto called out with a lopsided grin. Haruka smiled at his finacé and the two men accompanying him. He opened the door wider and stepped away.

"Come in, all three of you." Therapy Cat meowed loudly. "Sorry, the  _four_ of you." Rei pushed the wheelchair inside, Nagisa shuddering and stomping his feet before entering.

"Why does it have to be so cold?" the blond whined. He took off his boots, hat, scarf, and gloves, retreating to the kitchen where he knew it would surely be warm. It was. "Ah, that's better. Oh, Haru-chan! Wanna hear about what we did all day? We all had so much fun, especially Mako-chan! Right, Mako-chan?" The blond raised a hand for Makoto to hold it. Both of them grinned. Rei shook his head.

"I'm positive Haruka-senpai knows what we did for our day with the number of texts and pictures you sent him," the spectacled man said. He grinned at the realization that dawned on the smaller man's face. "So what did you do today, Haruka-senpai?"

"Well, I swam and bought mackerel. Then I had Sousuke come over. He told me something that I was rather shocked by," Haruka told them. When he saw the two men lean forward (Makoto only threw his head back in laughter as he stroke Therapy Cat's fur), he continued. "He said that Rin has no idea of what happened to me and Makoto."

"What?! But how?" Nagisa shouted. Both Rei and Haruka shushed the blond. He shrunk and smiled sheepishly. "Sorry. But seriously, how does he not know? The whole world knew about it!" Haruka shrugged, realizing that his shoulder did feel looser now. What a relief.

"He gets really absorbed in training, I suppose. Not much has changed from our past," the raven answered indifferently. He smiled softly at the other men. "Do either of you want something to eat?"

"Are you sure, Haruka-senpai? We don't want to strain you after only just now relaxing," Rei insisted. Haruka waved a hand the spectacled man.

"I don't mind. I still have some coffee left over. Do you want anything else?" the raven asked. Makoto cooed and leaned back, his citrine eyes landing on Haruka. Both of them smiled but one was sadder than the other. Haruka clenched his hands into fists. "I'll prepare some toast, too."

"Thank you, Haru-chan," Nagisa said. Rei nodded. Makoto screeched and clapped.

* * *

Rei and Nagisa left after a short stay, leaving Haruka to continue the nightly routine. He fed Makoto and changed him into his pajamas. It was always a lot easier at night; Makoto was tired out by the time night fell so he moved a bit more flaccidly. Haruka brushed Makoto's bangs away from his face and kissed the tip of his nose. Makoto made a soft noise and yawned.

"I love you, Makoto. Let's get you to bed, okay?" Haruka pushed the wheelchair into the bedroom and applied the brakes. He did his best to lift Makoto up. The brunet dragged his legs, his right just barely moving. He made a whining noise from his throat. Haruka patted his head gently. "It's okay, Makoto. Almost to bed. Then you can sleep." Even if he wouldn't admit it, Haruka was just completely drained from his day. All he wanted to do was sleep and sleep and maybe sleep some more.

This cycle repeated itself for several days, just like it had been for months before, and how it will for the coming years in the future.

* * *

_Makoto was pulling him by the arm, laughing with no care. The sun was sinking in the horizon, the sky painted with pink and orange. They headed for their car. Makoto got into the driver's side before Haruka could attempt to._

_"Makoto, I really don't mind driving," he said but still entered the car on the passenger's side. Makoto giggled and smiled._

_"Why would I let you do that? Today is the day of relaxation for the gold medal winner," the brunet declared. He started the engine and pulled out of the parking lot. Haruka felt his cheeks warm slightly._

_"It's just my birthday, no big deal," he muttered. He gasped when Makoto grabbed his hand and kissed his knuckles, rubbing his thumb over the pale skin._

_"It is a big deal. I'm so proud of you, Haru," Makoto said, his eyes shining with all the love his heart, his soul, his entire being had for the freestyle swimmer._

_"I only won because of you," Haruka mumbled before returning the favor and kissing the back of Makoto's larger hand. His thumb rubbed the ring on his finger. He still couldn't believe that his entire life had lead up to this point. They had been planning to marry the autumn of next year, but Haruka just wanted to get it over and done with. It wasn't going to fancy and it would just be their friends and family, but Haruka didn't want to wait any longer. He wanted- no, he **needed** to marry his best friend, his soulmate. He bit the inside of his cheek and tried to stop thinking about the distant future. They still had time. "I love you," he uttered, tightening his hold on Makoto's hand._

_"I love you too, Haru," Makoto responded, his voice dreamlike. The car stopped at a red light. The sky was slowly fading to darker colors. Soon, they'd be home and Haruka just knew from one look that his day of pampering was not over. Even though his body was exhausted from all the swimming they had done together at Iwatobi and from walking all over their hometown to the train station to sightseeing many places in Tokyo, he knew Makoto had planned more for tonight. He chuckled softly. Makoto always went to great lengths to show how much he loved Haruka. It was unnecessary, really. Just waking up every morning to see the angelic face beside him and a gentle "Good morning" and a kiss was enough._

_The light turned green and Makoto carefully pushed down on the gas pedal. Even though he was a great driver (after getting over his fear of driving in the first place, obviously), Makoto was always careful to the point that it was almost agonizing. Haruka was surprised at how little vehicles were out. It felt like they were the only ones out on the street._

_Then he heard the revving. Haruka turned to see where it was coming from._

_There were two cars barreling their way. They were on Makoto's side._

_"Makoto, look out!" Haruka shrieked, pointing to the right. Makoto turned his head just as one car passed them and the other slammed into their side..._

* * *

Haruka jerked awake in a cold sweat. He looked around and realized he was not in a car but in their bedroom. Makoto was not in a driver's seat, he was sound asleep in bed. Haruka wiped his forehead. It was just a dream. That was it. A horrible dream of what had happened. Taking a deep breath, Haruka got up and began the whole morning routine.

When he arrived at the coffee shop, Nagisa and Rei were already there, eating their breakfast and having an animated conversation. Makoto was in a terrible mood that morning and just wouldn't cooperate with Haruka, which slowed them both down. He waved at Akane and Yui and approached the table his friends sat at. He smiled at the others tiredly before Akane approached for Haruka to confirm his usual order.

"Bad day, Haru-chan?" Nagisa asked sympathetically. Haruka nodded, covering his mouth with a yawn. He tried to touch Makoto's shoulder, but the man only whined and pulled away, holding Therapy Cat close enough to bury his nose in her fur. Haruka could feel his heartstrings tug harshly. He thanked Akane when she returned with his order. He patted Makoto's arm gently and quickly to grab his attention. As he struggled to help the brunet eat, he almost missed the door's bell ringing as someone entered the coffee shop.

"Just a coffee, please" was what shifted Haruka's focus. He turned his head and froze. There, at the counter, was the young man who had crashed his car into Makoto's. Suddenly, Haruka's mind returned to his dream that morning. He remembered his head hitting the window before blacking out... waking up outside of the car, glass cutting his skin... Makoto not too far from him... he wasn't breathing... the lights, sirens surrounding him... the white of a hospital room...

"...ruka-senpai!" Rei shouted, gripping Haruka's arm tightly. The raven winced at the spectacled man's strength. He looked up to see his friends staring at him with worried faces. Nagisa turned to look where the older man was looking at.

"Hey, isn't that the guy who... um, you know," the blond tried to say. Slowly, Haruka nodded. "Should we say anything?"

"No, I... I can't." Really, Haruka wanted to scream. He wanted to cry. Most of all, he wanted to hurt him. He had caused so much grief in his and Makoto's life. He wanted that more than anything. Then he remembered the day he finally left his room. He visited Makoto first and was devastated with the news of what happened. He was allowed to visit the young man who had caused the accident. Haruka had felt so much rage and was ready to let it boil over and burn the other. Then he saw him. He was only a young adult, not much older than eighteen. He didn't know better and thought he wouldn't hurt anyone. The guilt of shattering two lives as well as ruining his own was enough punishment, including the fine.

Haruka had left that room sobbing. He didn't want to relive this anymore but he had to for tomorrow. Rin had called the previous night. He was coming to visit for New Year's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm horrible, but angst. :^)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rin visits for New Year's and Haruka finally reveals the story of what had happened to him and Makoto.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Initially didn't plan for this to line up with New Year's, but here we are!

Haruka stretched, his arms over his head, and yawned. Like always, he was exhausted and wanted nothing more than to sleep. However, it was one of the few times when he couldn't do that. Although it will always be difficult to determine how much of his brain Makoto is using to comprehend the real world, he might still able to understand the meaning and sentiment of certain special days. Haruka first realized that this may be true when his fiancé was acting all jittery around Halloween time, as well as his birthday. The same was happening the past few days for Christmas and New Year's.

It was New Year's Eve, half past ten. Haruka wondered exactly when Rin would show up. He didn't call, so it might be a surprise. As much as he didn't like the idea, he couldn't stop the redhead from doing such a thing. He stirred the little amount of sugar around in his coffee before drinking it. Might as well stay awake until midnight and indifferently welcome the new year.

"Aaaawaaa! Haaaaaaa!" Makoto cried out before coughing. He wasn't choking but Haruka acted as if he was.

"Makoto, are you alright? Did you swallow anything? Do you need some water?" Haruka asked frantically until he realized Makoto was no longer coughing and was giggling. His hands clenched and unclenched, his left wrist twisting around. Haruka's shoulders relaxed and he smiled. Makoto thought of something funny. "Yeah, I think that was hilarious, too. Makoto, squeeze my hand if you want something to drink." He placed his hand in Makoto's. The man squeezed tightly then let go. "Okay, I'll get you some water. Here, keep Therapy Cat company," Haruka said, picking up the feline and placing her on Makoto's lap. The wheelchair-bound man cooed and stroked the white fur.

While Haruka filled a glass with cool water, he heard a knock on the door. He sighed, knowing exactly who it was. He carried the glass with him and opened the door.

"Yo, Haru! How are ya- Geez, you don't look so good. Have you been getting enough sleep?" Rin started to greet before taking notice of the other man's appearance. Haruka looked him up and down. His attire reminded him of when Rin came to take him to Australia.

"Get in before you catch a cold. Idiot, why aren't you wearing a jacket?" he scolded the redhead. Rin took off his hat and smiled.

"I knew you would open the door right away, so I took it off. Now, why do you look like death is going to knock on your door next?" Rin placed his hands on his hips, back turned to the living room. Haruka sighed through his nose and returned to the kitchen for a straw. Makoto liked the bendy ones. He signaled for Rin to follow him. "What is it? Haru, you're being weirder than... Oh my god. Makoto? What happened to him?" The older man did not respond to the question. Instead, he was trying to coax the wheelchair-bound man to drink his water.

"Makoto, here. Drink," Haruka spoke calmly. While Makoto sipped the water through the straw slowly, Haruka stroked his cheek and said, "Look, it's Rin. He came to visit us. Remember Rin, our friend since elementary?" Finished swallowing, Makoto shouted over and over.

"Eeeen! Auuuuugh!" Makoto cackled loudly and clapped his right hand against the armrest.

"Haru? What... happened?" Rin stuttered. He had been gone for a long time, spending the majority of his stay in Australia training like the next Olympics were going to be the last so he'd be sure to win. He watched as Haruka whispered to his fiancé. Rin ran his fingers through his hair. What the hell had he missed during his time away? He sat down on the couch and gripped his knees, gently biting his bottom lip. "Haru?" Slowly, the man stood back up and joined the redhead on the couch. He didn't look at him directly, only staring at the brunet as he cradled the white feline. Rin touched the former swimmer's arm. "What happened?"

He was surprised and even more worried when he saw tears in the oceanic eyes. Haruka swiftly wiped them away and took a deep breath.

"Did you ever hear about the media coverage of "The Swim World's Power Couple's Departure From The Olympics" back in July?" Haruka began, his voice shaking. Rin shook his head. "Yeah, I figured. Well, I... It was my birthday. Makoto had wanted to celebrate my victory in winning a gold medal. He wouldn't stop spoiling me." Haruka chuckled despite himself. He looked up and out the window. It was starting to snow. Makoto gasped and flapped his hands excitedly.

" _Nuaaaaaaaa! Wooooooooah!_ " he screamed. Rin jumped slightly but relaxed. He looked at Haruka again, waiting for him to continue. He nudged him to grab his attention again.

"Well, we went swimming, sightseeing, all that. When we returned to Tokyo, we got into Makoto's car. I offered to drive but he was adamant, insisting that it was 'the day of relaxation for the gold medal winner.' The streets were surprisingly almost deserted. It was at a stoplight, though, when it... when i-it..." Haruka covered his mouth and bit his tongue. His eyes were burning with restrained tears as his brain was flooded with memories of the scene. He could hear the sirens, see the flashing lights, feel the gloved hands, smell the smoke and gasoline, taste the metallic flavor of blood...

"Haru, it's okay! You're okay! You don't have to tell me if you're not ready," Rin called out to him, grabbing his shoulders. Haruka was roped back into reality and the sensations left him until all he could feel was Rin's arms wrapped around him in a hug.

"No, it's fine. I'm fine now. You deserve to know. Look it up though, there are plenty of articles of our departure. Trust me, I've checked." Hesitantly, Rin pulled out his phone and searched up "Nanase Haruka Tachibana Makoto Departure". The moment he pressed "Search", thousands of links popped up, taking Rin by surprise. He clicked on the first article and skimmed through it. The frown on his mouth and in his forehead deepened as he read on.

"They say nothing about what happened," Rin finally said, breaking the temporary silence. "Haru?"

"I never came out to say what had actually happened to us. Hold on." Haruka stood up and strode toward the kitchen. He returned with two bottles of water and handed one to Rin. He grabbed the empty glass from Makoto and took the straw from his mouth so the brunet wouldn't accidentally swallow it as he chewed on it. He put the straw down on the table to throw out later and sat back down on the couch. He took a quick sip of water, coughing when a little went down the wrong way. "Now, where was I?"

"Uh, a stoplight?"

"Right. Um, well... How should I say this? The streets were almost empty and the light had turned green. It was our turn to go. Then I heard a distant revving that got louder and closer. It was coming from Makoto's side of the car. There were two cars. One just barely passed us, but the other car..." Haruka paused and clutched his shirt, hoping Rin would understand. He didn't want to say it.

"The other car hit the two of you, didn't it?" Rin whispered. Slowly, Haruka nodded. His throat was starting to close up but he had to keep speaking. Rin deserved to know the truth. "What were those idiots doing?!" the redhead shouted. Makoto jumped and whined. Haruka shushed him. The younger man mouthed an apology.

"Apparently, they were street racing. One of the drivers was an American and was visiting a friend here. They had done this before, but this was the first time anyone had gotten hurt in their races."

"Isn't street racing from a decade ago?" Rin questioned. He had heard of it in his childhood when he was in Australia but had never witnessed the actual racing.

"Yeah, but the two of them still did it and are probably two of the few people left that still do street racing. Stupid, isn't it?" the raven chuckled. It was a cruel joke, really, that life decided to pull on him and Makoto. Why should their lives be changed because of an idiotic mistake someone else made? He shuddered. Haruka tried not to think bitterly but it couldn't be helped at times.

"So, what happened to those two?" Rin asked quietly.

"I think the American returned home. I actually saw his friend yesterday. I didn't say anything but it still hurt. It... hurt," Haruka repeated. His nails dug into the skin of his palms, trying to hold back the tears welling up in his eyes. "What did Makoto ever do to deserve this?" he muttered softly. Glassy blue eyes gazed in the direction of the brunet. He was much more calm, humming softly and gasping as he watched the snow fall.

Rin didn't know what to do. His childhood friend was hurting for his soulmate. Makoto was, for lack of better words, gone. He wanted to know more but not at the cost of Haruka's wellbeing.

It didn't matter though. It was as if Haruka could sense his curiosity.

"After we got hit, it wasn't long before I woke up to the sound of sirens. I'm pretty sure crowds were starting to form. I was bleeding a lot and I had probably the worst case of whiplash ever, but the focus wasn't on me entirely. We were still in the car, so when the paramedics got us out, a couple checked me over while the rest... they were trying to get Makoto to breathe again," Haruka explained, his voice dropping to a whisper.

"He wasn't breathing?! How long?" Rin whispered loudly. Haruka only shrugged.

"Time felt different to me. Everything felt slow and foggy. All I remember is the paramedics performing CPR and trying to move Makoto's tongue since it was blocking his airway. Yeah, he was  _that_ knocked out, not even having control over his tongue. Bleeding in the brain, too. That combined with asphyxiation lead to extensive brain damage in most areas. So yeah, our lives are pretty fucked," Haruka finished bluntly, a cold and dead smile on his face. He flinched at the hand gripping his shoulder. Rin was frowning at him.

"Haru, you don't have to fake it with me," the swimmer said firmly. Haruka raised an eyebrow.

"What do you mean?"

"Haru, take it from me. It's not healthy to bottle up your emotions, especially with something like this. You need to let it out and I'm here for you," the redhead reassured. Haruka stared at the carpet. All those times he felt his heart shattering, felt like breaking down, screaming, kicking, crying out all the pain, he couldn't do that, convincing himself it was for Makoto's sake. Maybe it was for his own?

He didn't notice the first tears fall. By the time he realized what was happening, Haruka was full-out bawling his eyes out. The floodgates didn't burst open, they were obliterated. Rin rubbed circles deep into his back. His voice shook like the rest of his body as he shouted out more confessions.

"I-I can't e-ven-n get ins-side a damn c-car! I walk t-to the coffee sh-shop every day! I can't even get a new apartment!" Haruka screamed. He didn't notice how much time had passed, only capable of appreciating Rin's presence. The former swimmer mentioned something along the lines of not actually being able to take care of Therapy Cat like he should when they all heard fireworks go off.

"Ooooh, faaagh," Makoto marveled, his body twisting in the wheelchair to smile at the men behind him. His eyes squinted as he shouted, " _Haaaaaaaaa! Aaaaphh neeee!_ " Makoto broke down in laughter, holding the white feline close to his face.

"Well, would you look at that?" Rin muttered. Haruka's mouth hung open as he wiped his eyes. "Happy New Year, Haru, Makoto. Maybe you two should go to sleep. It's late." Haruka drowsily shook his head at the suggestion.

"No... Makoto has to go to bed." God, no wonder he never cried, it used up too much energy. His eyelids were shutting as tiredness took over. "Mmmf..."

He was out like a light as fireworks continued to go off. Quietly, Rin did his best to complete the tasks Haruka normally did before returning to the couch. Makoto was safely tucked in bed and Haruka was covered by a thick, warm blanket. Therapy Cat was hiding from Rin, apparently not taking much of a liking to him, much to the redhead's dismay.

Rin glanced at Haruka's still form, his exhausted face still youthful but aged decades all the same. Pulling out his phone again, Rin tapped away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See y'all next chapter!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was now time for Haru to accept that he needed help. Thankfully, his friends are always there to help him. And so is Makoto.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i promised myself i would get this chapter out before january ends, so here it is!

When Haruka awoke that morning, he could smell something from the kitchen. He realized it was breakfast cooking, and there was a sizzling sound as well. Who was making breakfast in his home?

Then he remembered that Rin didn't leave before he fell asleep. Stretching his arms and back, Haruka realized it was the first time in so long that he hadn't slept in such an odd position. He quietly folded the blanket that Rin must have covered him with before standing and getting up, heading for the kitchen.

"Oh, good morning, Haru. Did you sleep okay?" Rin asked, in the middle of frying eggs. Haruka nodded, rubbing his eyes.

"Where's Makoto?" he asked.

"Last I checked, still asleep. Wake him for me, I'm almost finished with breakfast," Rin said. Haruka nodded and left. Sure enough, Makoto was still asleep. The young man gently shook Makoto's shoulder.

"Makoto, time to get up. Rin's making breakfast. Let's go eat," he whispered. Slowly, Makoto's eyes opened and, for a rare moment, landed on Haruka's face, but only for a second. Then they left and Makoto laughed. Haruka smiled and helped Makoto out of bed.

"Haru, is this enough for Makoto?" Rin asked, holding a plate of scrambled eggs he had made separately, two slices of bread, and a banana. The raven nodded.

"Just mash the banana a little. We'll be there in a bit," he said, carrying Makoto to his wheelchair. Rin left for only a moment before returning to help. "You don't have to help me."

"Don't act like you're invincible. Aren't I right, Makoto?" the redhead asked the brunet. Makoto giggled, and Rin smirked. "See? He agrees with me as well. He still knows you." Haruka rolled his eyes but felt warmth blooming in his chest. They carefully set Makoto down on the chair and took off the brakes. Before Haruka could take his place behind Makoto, Rin pushed the wheelchair slowly. "Geez, why is this chair so heavy?"

"Makoto is a big man. You know this," Haruka teased, a faint smile tugging his lips. Rin stuck out his tongue but laughed anyway.

Rin served them all breakfast. He took Haruka's advice and the banana was all mushy and soft, easy for Makoto to swallow. They ate quietly. Haruka appreciated the silence. He and Makoto used to have mornings like this, having their silent conversations while they ate, too early to actually make noise and speak. It was always perfect.

Rin was the first to finish and the first to speak since they began to eat. "Haru, I need to tell you something. But you have to promise me you won't freak out."

Swallowing the small bite of mackerel in his mouth, the raven nodded. He helped Makoto bring the scrambled eggs to his mouth, but Rin knew he was listening. He took a deep breath. This wasn't supposed to be so nerve-wracking.

"Alright. So, um, Haru... you know how last night you told me about your financial issues?" Haruka nodded, a suspicious look in his eyes. "Well, I may or may not have... sent a message to all my followers about your situation and... started a fundraiser for you and Makoto," Rin rushed to the end of what he planned to say.

The silence was uncomfortable but not as much as Haruka's glare. Rin squirmed in his seat. Even after all this time, Haruka's quiet nature still unnerved him slightly.

The older man stood up and left the kitchen. Makoto cooed and tried to reach for a slice of bread. Rin handed it to him and watched the brunet nibble on it. The redhead smiled. Makoto had not changed since the last time he had seen him. Just as happy and sweet.

Haruka found his phone in the bedroom. He was bombarded with notifications. Clicking on one, he made his way to Rin's page. His most recent post was eight hours ago, an hour after midnight. Haruka groaned and began to read the post.

_"Alright, so most of you know I'm friends with Nanase Haruka. Several months ago, he and Tachibana Makoto left the swimming world, but not because they wanted to or happened to retire. They got into a car accident that has really impacted their lives. Haru needs as much help as possible to take care of Makoto, he just won't admit to it. Please donate what you can. Thank you."_

Below the post was a link that said  **"SUPPORT** **NANASE HARUKA AND TACHIBANA MAKOTO."** In Rin's post, he doesn't even tag Haruka. It was all the comments of their fans who tagged him in hopes of seeing the original posts and their own. Hesitating slightly, Haruka clicked the link. No one could have actually...

Would they?

The page finished loading and Haruka scrolled through what was surely three or more paragraphs of what he had told Rin. At the bottom was the about of money already donated.

Over ten billion yen. And rising.

Haruka wanted to scream. He escaped the bedroom and returned to the kitchen.

"Please don't be angry. I just thought it'd be a good idea for you two," Rin said the moment Haruka returned. Then he jumped when slender arms wrapped around him. The butterfly swimmer smiled and returned the hug. "Are we cool?"

"You could have at least told me before you decided to tell the whole world about it. My phone is lagging with all the messages of support, Haruka said with a gentle smile on his face.

"Aaaaooo?" Makoto mumbled, his head falling to the right. Makoto knelt down and held one of the brunet's hands. He didn't jerk away.

"Makoto, we might be able to move into a new home very soon. And maybe then I can afford to take better care of you. Please understand," Haruka said, adding the last part in a wistful whisper.

Although his eyes weren't on his fiancé, the green went from cloudy to the vibrant color that they usually were. Makoto cheered, giggling as Therapy Cat rubbed her head against his chest.

And that was all Haruka needed to know that Makoto was happy with the news.

* * *

"Thank you so much for helping me back, you guys," Haruka said, folding his jammers and packing them into an almost full box. Kisumi rolled his eyes, carrying two small boxes in his arms.

"Stop thanking us already, it's not big deal," the pink-haired man said. He gently kicked Asahi's behind, the redhead jumping up from his crouching position and accidentally scaring away the white feline that he was playing with.

"Hey! Don't do that!" Asahi whirled around and scolded his boyfriend, who was giggling at his reaction. As Kisumi walked away, Asahi smiled at the former swimmer. "He's right, you know. It's the least we could do to help you move to your new apartment, Haru."

"Really though, it means a lot to me," Haruka said, a soft smile on his lips. He began to fold Makoto's clothing and packing it into a separate box. "I've just had so much on my mind. It hasn't even been that long since Rin made that post. What is it now, two weeks?"

"You can't remember how long it's been, Haru?" Asahi teased, stacking boxes on the dolly.

"Like I said, a lot on my mind," the former swimmer simply stated before closing the box's flaps with tape.

"Yeah, Asahi, don't make fun of him. Haru has a lot to think about," Kisumi said, placing the boxes he carried on top of Asahi's.

" _Hey_ , why do you say that for Haru and not me?" the redhead asked. Kisumi chuckled behind his hand.

"Because you don't think a lot," the other man joked. Asahi jumped onto his back and tried to mess up his hair. Haruka's smile widened slightly. Then it fell when his phone went off.

"Hello, Rei?" he said a bit too quickly. Haruka sat cross-legged as he waited for the man on the other side of the line to speak.

" _Good morning, Haruka-senpai. Are you doing alright with packing? Are you okay?_ " Rei reworded his question after a short pause.

"Um, I think I'm doing alright. Packing's going well," Haruka informed the other.

" _And Makoto-senpai?_ "

"He's the good kind of quiet. I think he's saying his goodbyes to this apartment before we go. It  _has_  been our home since university."

" _Alright. I'll leave you to finish packing. Nagisa and I will visit you at your new apartment tomorrow to help unpack what you need. Is that fine with you?_ "

"Sure. It's fine with Makoto, too. Bye, Rei."

" _Bye, Haruka-senpai._ " Rei hung up the next second.

"Now, are you two done being fools or do I have to carry all these boxes down myself?" Haruka said over his shoulder to the couple still playing around. Asahi scratched the back of his neck and smiled sheepishly. Kisumi nodded.

"We're done. We better hurry up if we want to leave before noon."

This was the first time since they had gotten out of the hospital. Kisumi was driving. Kisumi was a fantastic driver. He has never had an accident before. He knew what to do, always. But still, even with all those thoughts of encouragement...

Haruka took a deep breath. It was just a car. It's Kisumi's car.  _It was just a fucking car._

He couldn't do this. Haruka tugged on his hat all the way down until it covered most of his face. He was slowly suffocating on blood, his skin tightened as his nerves tingled and pricked.

"Haru?" a soft voice called out to him. One blue eye peaked out from under his hat. Kisumi had a gentle, understanding smile on his face. "I promise, I  _vow_  to drive as safe as humanly possible. I won't ever let anything like that happen again, not on my watch."

"Thank you, Kisumi," Haruka said through pants. "Just give me a moment. Make sure the inside is warm for Makoto." Kisumi nodded and entered the car, sitting in the driver's seat. Makoto was in the back, his wheelchair folded in the trunk. Therapy Cat claimed her place on the passenger seat. Rin was using his car as transport for the boxes. Asahi and Sousuke were helping as well.

Haruka leaned against the stair railings. It felt like centuries since he last sat in a car. He was exhausted.

This had to stop. He couldn't walk everywhere forever, not when it could put Makoto to risk.

Taking several large gulps of breath, Haruka made his way to Kisumi's car and opened it. He sighed when the warmth of the car engulfed him. He scooted as close to Makoto as possible.

"Ready, you two? Uh, I mean, three?" Kisumi added, chuckling when the small cat yowled for recognition. Haruka nodded. The car slowly pulled away from the building and out of the parking lot. His heart was leaping out of his chest but everything was... okay, so far.

"Aaauu?" Makoto gurgled out. Haruka sighed and removed the glove from his right hand. His fingers were cold but he still wanted to hold Makoto's hand. He smiled when he felt the muscles loosen and the brunet's fist opened up.

"Thank you, Makoto. I love you," Haruka whispered. Makoto's grip tightened around his fingers and, for just a moment, everything was normal. Life was how it was before.

Haruka was about to let go when Makoto suddenly brought the pale hand to his lips. It wasn't a proper kiss but it was real and enough. The former swimmer shuddered, covering his mouth with his other hand.

"Haru, are you okay? Do I need to stop?" Kisumi asked, looking through the rearview mirror with a concerned expression.

"No, I'm fine. Just be careful," Haruka reassured, shaking his head. Maybe everything would be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> probably one more chapter after this. it'll be a happy ending. or, at least, a happier ending than haru would have let himself believe.


End file.
